As I type this, I have realized it’s been awhile since my last blog entry. Not that it’s any big deal as I am not seeking any great fame or fortune with this little bag of online words that usually sound better in my head and not typed out for others. You might think that it’s because it’s summer and life and all of its hot glory has gotten in the way of sitting down at a laptop on a regular basis. That’s only half-true. Yes, it’s summer, but my life hasn’t gotten in the way with all of its fabulous goodies; rather, it’s summer and I have had to face a few realities.
To make a long story short, I fractured two vertebrae a few months back (right around Christmas to add insult to injury) and I haven’t healed the way I was supposed to. I don’t recommend breaking any bones, especially your back, when you’re in your 40’s. Apparently bouncing back like a toddler on a trampoline is a distant pipe dream once you leave your twenties. In fact, I’m more like a slinky these days. I wobble, tumble, and look funny going down stairs. But hey, at least I can still make people laugh.
I should have been back at work by now. Fractures of the T7 and T8. Nothing too major. Rest, physio, positive thinking and boom, back to working at my healthcare job fully rested and ready to rock! Hell, who couldn’t use the winter off to recuperate? Well, the Universe had other plans for me – in the form of some nasty complications. So, here I sit, in Kamloops, B.C., Canada, where our July 1st Canada Day saw summer slam down upon on us full-force; the weather is 35-39 degrees Celsius (that’s about 95 – 102F for my American friends), the sun is shining and the water is fantastic. And I am in my backyard, sweating and soaking up the rays, attempting to (and sometimes pretending to) enjoy this ‘time off’.
I am not a patient person. I am also not a positive person in general. Nor am I one who sits still. Ever. Until either illness or sleep take over. Yet, here I am, not much to do, living with constant pain and earth-shattering boredom some days. Also, a lot of solitude, while I play the Hurry Up And Wait Game we call our Canadian Healthcare system. Yes, it’s ‘free’, but it’s also faster to get pregnant then give birth and probably get the kid to preschool than it is to get any diagnostic tests done. I’ve had to learn how to actually enjoy sitting still – or laying or standing or moving slightly – whatever is comfortable. I have taken up colouring and rediscovered my love of reading, which never went away, I just never had time for it! Thanks to my library and my sister-in-law I have read so many books since December, and currently my patio table looks like this:
Which brings me to the next book (thank you Miriam, my favourite childhood friend slash sister-in-law ever) that I finished in 42 minutes. It’s short. It’s profound. It makes a perfect gift.
I know what you’re probably thinking. Man, this chick needs to get off of the self-help crazy train! Don’t worry, I’m not on it. Not in the way you think, anyways. I love to read and learn and discover and over the past few months I have had more than enough time to do all of it as well as many reasons to! I may not get a summer vacation this year (insert hashtag ‘first world problems’ here), but I sure have an abundance of that precious commodity so many of us never seem to find or when we do, we tend to let it get away from us. It’s called time. Time to do all of the things I wanted to do, but didn’t because I was too busy working, running around, raising kids, cleaning a house way too big for us, and taking my body for granted doing all of the physical things I loved. I may not be hiking or kayaking or camping in a tent this summer, but I am getting back to the things I have always loved. Hanging with family, seeing friends, watching movies and documentaries I have been meaning to for, oh let’s say a decade or so; crafting, creating, reading, writing. Listening to and discovering new music. Indoors. Outdoors. In a doctor’s office, at the hospital, in my yard. In the vehicle. Short trips. Quick visits. Being outside for as long as I can, everyday, all day.
The Universe had other plans for me, and the shift has been hard. It has been devastating sometimes. Painful and harshly honest. But it has also been beautiful and profound. Funny and heartwarming. And I am so damn grateful for it. I am not where I thought I would be, and I may never get back to where I once was, but I am slowly learning that life has a funny way of working out, no matter what the actual outcome is. You just have to look at the outcome differently. And you also have to laugh. Because if you don’t laugh, you might cry. And I don’t know about you, but crying gives me a headache, so I would rather laugh. Besides, I leave the crying for the bingeworthy ‘Ray Donovan’ episodes of Seasons 3 and 4.
Happy Summer All 🙂